Clumsy Cybertruck Heist Ends in High-Tech Bust: A Car Chase Comedy

In the “Not-So-Great Cybertruck Heist,” Delaware’s own Corey Cohee proved that stealing the most noticeable vehicle on the road is as brainy as wearing a neon sign that says “Arrest Me.” Cue the shortest, silliest car chase ever—because nothing screams “inconspicuous” like a fleeing steel behemoth.

Hot Take:

When life gives you Cybertrucks, you make… headlines? In a twist that would make even Elon do a double-take, a Delaware dude decided to nab a Tesla Cybertruck, only to take the police on the world’s slowest, shiniest, and most trackable getaway. Spoiler alert: it didn’t end well for our would-be Grand Theft Auto protagonist.

Key Points:

  • A brand-spanking-new Cybertruck with a temporary Jersey tag was stolen by a man in Delaware, making for a truly ‘steely’ heist.
  • The Delaware State Police used the Cybertruck’s own tracking app to play a high-stakes game of “Marco Polo.”
  • After a ‘Fast and Futuristic’ chase, the thief was found idling, then arrested without incident, proving that crime doesn’t speed away in a Cybertruck.
  • The audacious car thief, Corey Cohee, is now in custody with a $4,002 bond, which is probably less than the Cybertruck’s infotainment system.
  • This incident highlights the boldness that Tesla’s design seems to inspire, both in drivers and, unfortunately, car thieves.

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The Great Cyber Heist

Imagine waking up, sipping your coffee, and thinking, "Today's a great day to steal a vehicle that looks like a rejected 'Blade Runner' prop." That's what Corey Cohee might have thought before he allegedly snatched a Cybertruck from someone's home, probably not considering the "Find My Tesla" feature. It's like he wanted a 'steal' spotlight, or perhaps he just fancied a joyride in something that wouldn't be out of place on Mars.

Marco... Cybertruck!

Police officers must've felt like they were in a high-tech game of hide-and-seek, thanks to the Cybertruck's handy-dandy tracking app. They found our intrepid thief chilling on a dirt road, perhaps contemplating his life choices or the Cybertruck's stark interior design. But then, vroom! Or rather, a silent electric whirr as he tried to make his escape. Spoiler: the future of low-speed chases in heavy electric vehicles is not a bright one.

The Not-So-Great Escape

After what we can only assume was the most anti-climactic chase in history, our car thief turned would-be spaceship pilot decided to call it quits. He stopped, got arrested "without incident," which is cop-speak for "he gave up faster than a battery in a cold snap." Now, Cohee's enjoying government hospitality, and the Cybertruck is back with its owner, probably getting a well-deserved software update to prevent future grand theft auto adventures.

The Tesla Effect

Let's face it, the Cybertruck is to subtlety what ketchup is to fine dining. It sticks out like a sore thumb with a neon bandage. This heist was doomed from the get-go, with the thief seemingly under the spell of Tesla's bold lines and the promise of a bulletproof escape. But as we've learned, not even the Cybertruck can shield you from the law – or common sense. And as for that video of a Cybertruck towing a Porsche 911 while beating another 911? Well, let's just say reality can sometimes tow away the fantasy.

Tags: Car Crime, Delaware Crime, GPS Tracking, Police Chase, Tesla Cybertruck, Tesla Technology, Vehicle Theft